So like here i am reblogging again, when i shouldnt be.
Today was alright, nothing special at work. In the morning i felt fat. In the afternoon i felt fat. yay! ==" seriously i need to pick up my act or ill be an obesed whale :0
i c u t m y f i n g e r t w i c e f o r t h e p a s t f e w d a y s. It hurt and it just keep bleeding and bleeding, i used like a million bandages and it still couldn't absorb all of it. Work was better but i kept yawning and shizzz, at least i didn't make a mistake today :)
I don't know what to say now. I forgot, i remembered at work what to blog but totally forgot now. Lets see if i can just go along with it? ~
Its hard, i don't know if i can trust anybody. I just tend to hide away my feelings, because im scared that if i express them, some people will tell others and yeah. I've never really told anybody. Even though im close to my sister, i don't really tell her a lot, but she's the one i tell the most. It's just that i think the just won't understand. Its hard, but ive never tried it how would i know? sometimes i question my self things that i myself can never answer :( i don't really know what i feel, i just go about in doing and moving on in life, but really im going no where, until i understand what i really want. Feels like im going around in a circle, aimlessly with no sense of direction. Trust is such a big thing and, i haven't gain any on anyone since, ... i can't remember. Why is it so hard for me? why? i just want to know. I complain about people not understanding me but really i don't understand myself at all. Maybe i should rethink everything; everything that has affected me, affects me and what is important to me atm.
Sometimes, i really doubt myself. I dunno if im possible of anything. I wish life was simple so it wouldn't play with my emotions. I need to talk to somebody, somebody that will be of help and support. I hope i will find that someone fast. They won't find me annoying and will accept me and assist me, explaining what is that i should do to really focus.
When somebody talks behind your back how do you feel? should you hate them for you're whole life or just forget about it. The reasons can be both, but it's not worth hating someone because it's so painful, it's just too painful, so the moment you decide to let go and just don't give a fck, you know you've moved on, by far for the best. this is me, but idk , have really moved on? have I? so many things i have to consider and question myself.
i once thought that change was the best thing, but no im still search for the best thing to resort to. I really want to know how i feel. i really do....but i don't, i don't :|
Ken's birthday D:, i don't know if i can go, i probably can, but i just don't have the energy to, i doesn't feel right. But, i want to celebrate ken's birthday. I feel that everybodies birthday is special and that to have their friends there to celebrate it with them is the best, but i just doesnt feel right, just no... i will get ken a present though, i promise and kim, cos i didn't go to hers either. I feel infocus, i haven't really had this feeling, it's so weird, your just clueless and kind of sad, is this what you have to go through as an adolescent? i really have no idea. So basically i just plug music into my ears, and let the world and nature take its path. Sometimes, i just want to rest, sleep. It makes me feel most comfortable and relieved. Only if there wasn't this much pressure, just only.
I've blogged a lot today. Just letting my words speak, blogging has helped,but i really need to seek help.
